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Misha's Story

A True American

Misha Collins is the very definition of an American: he was born in America and has the long form birth certificate to prove it. Like many Americans, he came from humble beginnings and worked his way up to a position adjacent to some really successful people.

Experience You Can Trust

His experience in finance shows a true understanding of microeconomics. As a penny sorter for his father, he worked hard to stack, count and sort coins. The whole point of the job was to count them all, so he really understands the value of counting every penny. But don't worry— that doesn't mean he's a fiscal conservative! He also has plenty of experience squandering the family fortune, just like some of the other candidates on the ballot.

Misha Collins' humble nature makes him hesitant to mention his work in government, but trivia buffs might be interested to know that he's an experienced statesman. Misha Collins single-handedly ran the United States of America from August-December 1995 during the Clinton Administration. Whether it was secretly procuring extra White House security clearance badges for "future use" or keeping the country on the rails during turbulent times, as a White House Intern Collins handled every facet of White House administration.*

*Collins was politely asked to step down after he forgot to drop off some dry cleaning for one of the other, former interns at the dry cleaner, which later caused a teeny tiny little bit of embarrassment for the so-called Commander in Chief. Hey, nobody's perfect!

Collins is no stranger to the medical profession, either. Collins may not be a "neurosurgeon" like some candidates, but voters will agree his brief but memorable stint as a paramedic trainee gave him valuable experience navigating the health care industry... experience he'll put to work for you as part of MishaCareTM, a program in which he will personally help every citizen schedule a doctor appointment with their HMO.

A Man of the People

Misha Collins knows the struggles of the blue collar worker, too. His experience a a pizza delivery man during snowy Chicago winters qualifies him to understand why being stuck making minimum wage plus tips really kind of sucks. He also worked in agriculture and had a short lived but unsuccessful career in journalism as a paper delivery boy for the Greenfield Recorder. These experiences will help him really connect with the struggles of the middle class.

Everybody Loves A Celebrity!

His current experience as a television actor has helped groom him for the presidency. Like Ronald Reagan, Collins knows that appearance matters when you're the titular head of state. As such he's been careful to manage his health and hygiene regimen since becoming a public figure. Nobody likes a president with halitosis, after all. (That's why James Buchanan was so reviled.) Once voted into office, his first official act may even be to hire an aesthetician (if he can afford one on a president's paltry salary.)

As a C-list celebrity, Collins will bring his nuanced performance style and his ability to act (on camera!) to the briefing room and the rose garden alike, making sure that every presidential address is not only informative but downright entertaining. Collins' plan to increase viewership for the State of the Union includes hiring some juggling acts and maybe even a fire-eater, which should help the ratings.

Family Values

Misha Collins is a family man. His many spouses say he's always doing his share of the household chores and looking after his hoardes of children (at least when it's fun.) Collins rarely shirks his responsibilities at home, unless he can con his children into doing the work for him. Once elected, Collins will bring this ability to shift responsibility to the White House, ensuring that his administration never has to take the blame for anything that goes wrong. With Fated President Collins, you're ensured a president with a spotless record on every issue!

A True Leader

Soon-to-be President Misha Collins is the right man for any job. He's never needed to pull himself up by his bootstraps, because he has pretty strong quads. In fact, he has been able to stand on his own two feet since he was a small child. With a track record of success like that, the choice is clear: Misha Collins is your best bet for president. Vote for Misha Collins for President today.